Friday 13 February 2015

Happy Birthday Grandad

So, here we go again.  "Another day older and deeper in debt" as the saying goes.



Wednesday 11th February began as many previous birthdays have. Quiet, not a big fuss and a few lovingly wrapped presents from my wife, along with a cup of tea in bed.  Followed by a 'Balloon in a Box' from the God-children...!

With the possible exception of 1990, when Nelson Mandela was released from prison on this day; or in 2012, when I was able to celebrate the first 'cancer-free' birthday.... this was pretty standard stuff.

Its a funny thing - when you are faced with your own mortality, you start to live your life slightly differently.  Before that, it is as if life is just something you live. It is your birthright. 

Often consumed in a mad rush to finish school, get a degree, get a job, get laid, get married, make a fortune and be successful ... it rushes by.

Once you have had a medical professional quietly and seriously talking to you, giving you statistics and probabilities, discussing options and outcomes .... once the shock wears off and you (eventually) process it all, you start to look at things really differently.  


Staring at a tree waving in the breeze; watching the birds floating on wind eddies and swooping down to feed on some seeds (helpfully placed in the garden by my Mum..!).

Feeling the sun on your skin, baking down on a summer day at a Wine Farm; settling down under a parasol to lazily pick your way through a Picnic Hamper feast, wine sparkling in a glass with little beads of moisture tickling their way down the glass (in the days when I still did...!).  

The look of a spaniel with his head cocked to one side, staring at you with all the love of a Bobba (Jewish Grandmother), or squealing in delight as he paints your earlobes with his wet little tongue (never mind that he only saw you three hours before) ..... 

....... these things take on a huge new meaning.

Life goes from black & white to Supernova, high-intensity, full-colour HD.  Little things start to become HUGE .... and big things don't always have the same scale any more.


Hence, when I arrived for my birthday dinner at a lovely restaurant in Bray (Heston Blumenthal's centre of operations for the foodies among you), I was savouring the pleasure of celebrating with my family.  My Mum, Julia, daughter Lauren & husband Ryan, son Joseph and his fiancee Kate. Special, right?

To fully understand the impact of the unfolding events, it is helpful to know some of my history. ..... It was many years ago - and I was still a very young man - when my partner at the time discovered she was pregnant.  To cut a very complicated story short, for a variety of reasons (most of which were out of our hands) the baby was lost.  His mother named him Michael before she laid him to rest.

It took me almost twenty years to get the chance to discuss it properly with his mother and explain how much that had affected my life.  We are close friends to this day.  However, for this and many other reasons, I never had a biological child of my own.  


I have two children now - Lauren and Joe.  Although they are not my biological children (their father passed away three years ago), it is better than that - they have both chosen to take me as "their father".  

It is difficult to explain how special that makes me feel.

Some readers will know that I was asked to 'give Lauren away' at her wedding to Ryan.  These are deeply moving emotional moments - words cannot really do them justice.

So, back to the Birthday celebrations in the restaurant in Bray - lots of laughter and chatter, a few presents next to the table - to be opened later - and an amusing conversation with the endearingly crazy Italian waiter, about people who he has served in the restaurant (Muhammed Ali - favourite. George Clooney, with a house nearby, so far not visited...!).

At which point I decided to read my birthday cards. Again, a fairly standard procedure, usually undertaken between drinks orders and the main course.  If I'm honest, I was expecting some tickets to a concert, or a weekend getaway. 

Opening the card, I was amused to read the cover, poking fun at my advancing years.




And then I opened the card and my world tilted ... like a bad porno movie when someone kicks the camera by accident!




Even writing this days later, I struggle to contain the emotion that literally pours into my heart.  It isn't big enough to hold it ... it wants to burst like a water-balloon dropped from the roof of a school.

I'm going to be a Grandad...............!!! 

The faces of my darling wife Julia, Lauren & Ryan and my Mum were enough to tell  me within a fraction of a second that they had no idea what was in the card.  In fact it took some minutes, filled with tears, laughter, screams and yelps of joy, to be sure that everyone around the table knew exactly what had just happened. 

Our Joseph and his beloved Kate chose this opportunity to announce her pregnancy.  And in some magical, special way, to gift that surprise to me - as the only Grandfather that young Leo Michael is going to have (that's him in the picture above, by the way...!).

My full-colour life just got  bit brighter.  My son suddenly became even more of a magnificent, insightful, kind, generous man.  The gorgeous Kate glowed with contentment and pride, managing to burrow even further into my heart - something I didn't really think was possible.

My wife, my daughter, my son-in-law and my Mum haven't stopped beaming and are all moving about in a haze of joyful tears, excitement and - lets be honest - shock.  And, while I'm not one for the esoteric, I am sure that, if my Dad is able to look down on us all, he is smiling the contented smile of a Great Grandfather who has just realised that his legacy is safe; the example he set as a man, a husband and a father will be taken forward .... his family's world has been set right.

Hey Dad, I'm gonna be a Grandpa.